Day 6: Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

I just don’t think I agree with this. Just like in a career, until you reach that job or postion you’re striving for, you may be content in your current position, and you work hard daily to get yourself to that next promotion to get to where you want to be, but your current position is not the exact love life you “want”…it’s just convenient for the moment.

I feel the same way when it comes to a women in her love life. For me, eventually I want to be married again. Yes, I’ve been married before. But right now, I am single, and I am enjoying it…

hmmm, so maybe this is the exact love life I want (for now). Interesting, I might be changing my answer LOL.

I guess it all depends on how you view being single right? Some women HATE being single, they want a boyfriend so bad they will date anyone, or they will stay in an unhappy relationship so they are not alone or because they don’t want to be single. Therefore in that case, if they are always searching for a guy in hopes they will be their boyfriend, then sure, they might not have the love life they want, and they will never be happy.

Until you can STOP and smell the roses. In other words, revel in your current situation and realize it’s exactly where you are supposed to be, then you will never have the exact love life you want in a healthy way.

I love my current situation. So my love life is my singlessness and I want this for me for now. Being able to eat whatever I want to eat. Drink some wine in bed, watch my stupid reality shows on my DVR, order pizza, and throw in breadsticks on a random night. Maybe I don’t want to shower and stay in my pjs all weekend. YUP, this is the love life I want.

It’s your life, and you can choose to enjoy the moment you’re in, or strive for something you might not get right away and leave you feeling dissapointed.

You decide dolls xo

Day 5: The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

hi dolls,

So sorry I am so behind in my blogging. I am new to this blogging thing and often times forget to update it. I will try to get better. *pinky swear*

So what is the biggest misconception people have about the single life? I think people think something is wrong with you. I constantly get comments such as “well, are you not putting yourself out there enough?” or “why don’t you try this website, or I know a friend who did this, and found someone right away”

My response. NO, I am not putting myself out there, and WHY should I. Why can’t I enjoy the moment I’m in. What if I don’t want to find someone right now? Why is it so bad that I don’t have anyone.

People often think that something is wrong with me and that’s why I am not attracting the right person. But in my mind, it’s the other way around. I am not attracted to the wrong person. And I won’t settle.

I heard a quote resently. “I could settle down, but I can’t settle”.

I swear I’m normal. Nothing is wrong with me. I am CHOOSING to be alone right now and reveling in this experience. I have the ENTIRE rest of my life to be with someone. If I’m single for this period in my life, then I’m going to enjoy this possible once in the lifetime opportunity. YES, it’s an opportunity. Opportunity for me to find what Alisha likes to do. Who Alisha is, and to just fall in love with myself, Alisha.

 

Day 4: Your biggest fear as a single person

I think my fear is going to be the same answer for all. The fear of being ALONE…FOREVER.  Never finding that companion, never having those kids and someone to share everything together for the rest of your life.

This is my fear. I came out of such a toxic relationship, that this time I absolutely REFUSE to settle for anything less than I deserve. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being “too picky” at all.

I started writing a list of things I want in a future husband. Things that I hold high value of. These are the things that I won’t settle on. Why should you? It’s your life. YOLO right? You only live once? Well it’s true.

I truly truly feel I would rather be alone than in a toxic relationship. In a relationship where I would come home from work and not know what my ex would say to me that evening to hurt me, or what kind of mood he would be in, or what kind of insecurity I would feel around him due to a fight the day before.

So now the fear of being alone doesn’t sound too bad. Being able to do whatever the heck I want to do (as mentioned in my last post). And being happy in my OWN skin.

I don’t know what plans God has for me. But I know they are plans to to give me hope and a future and not to harm me. I would love a husband, and love kids of my own, and I’ve expressed this to the Lord. But if I’m meant to be the best damn aunt to my nieces & nephews, I sure know it’s all a part of God’s plan which we may never know the reason behind it until we are in Heaven.

If there is one thing I have learned from my brother’s death last month, is nobody is promised tomorrow. It’s so cliche to say that. But this time last year, the family was on a family cruise and my brother was perfectly healthy. And now, my precious brother is gone. WHY worry about tomorrow and fear the future. Live for today. County every small blessing around you that you find TODAY. Because trust me, the Lord’s presence is near,a and if you just sit back and reflect, you can find blessings in even the most tragic situation.

The blessings I have encountered through out my brother’s death are astounding. SO many little blessings I can be thankful for despite that fact that I lost my brother.

So ladies, let’s not worry about tomorrow. Let’s live for today and know that God has our lives in the palms of his hand.

xoxo

Day 3: Describe a day when being single was really awesome.

I am finding more and more that being single is awesome. And I truly mean that. A lot of people just say that, only to make themselves feel better.

I find it awesome in all the small things. But it all comes down to this: being single, I can do WHATEVER the heck I want to do!

It’s the most liberating, freeing feeling in the world. Not having anyone I have to text on the daily to tell where I am going or what I am doing. I can leave my phone at home or turn it off and not have to feel obligated to keep it on to let my partner know my every move.

My friends always laugh at this one, but I can EAT whatever the heck I want to eat haha. I don’t know about you gals, but I used to have to plan my dinner meals around my ex. Because I was a good person 🙂 I wanted to make sure I catered to what he wanted. Nowwwwww, I can eat whatever I want when I want.

I can plan my day around ME. Go to the gym, come home, order pizza, watch MY shows. Plan my entire weekend around ME. Spend my money all on ME.

haha me me me. Yes, I might sound selfish here, but this is the best part about being single. I can say no to what I want to say no to, and yes to what I want to say yes to and not have to discuss with my partner before I do so.

To me, where I am at in my life, this is awesome. Total freedom to explore my interests, my hobbies, me.

I truly can say I am at a place where I LOVE BEING SINGLE. Might change come the holidays or next year, but I’m embracing the moment.

Day 2 challenge: Describe a moment or day when being single really sucked.

Good Morning dolls,

I’m sorry I am not following the challenge day by day. I had my sister in law in town over the  weekend. I’m sure I’ll talk about this in other blogs, but my precious brother lost his life last month on September 7th. It was his beautiful wife that needed to get away and so she came to visit me where we enjoyed a day at the beach, and some beautiful California hiking. It was great having her here!

And now to Day 2 of this single woman challenge. A moment or day when being single really sucked. I would have to say the holidays. Thankfully I have an AMAZING family. Truly I do. And I have 4 siblings who are all married to amazing people (now 3 siblings.) And I have some unique nephews and nieces. So I am always surrounded by people around the holidays. But it’s still hard to not have that special someone buy me a gift or to go do some romantic things with. Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday.

One moment stands out for me. It was last Christmas. Every Christmas eve, my mother hosts all us kids, spouses, nieces and nephews. I have two older brothers and one younger sister. Well, sometimes I feel the only reason God created brothers was to torment their sisters haha no matter how old you get.

I was helping my mom cook dinner as everyone else was on there way over. My siblings and I have a group chat. I receive a group chat text from one of my brothers saying he is bringing me a date to share Christmas with. He said the guy was perfect. He was respectful, he enjoys watching sports (I am a HUGE sports fanatic). He’s attractive, etc etc.

I am not an emotional chick that cries all the time. Well, I started crying. And I got so angry. How uncomfortable to have some random guy I have never met enjoy a sentimental Christmas dinner with my family. ACKWARD. Plus this was my first real Christmas without my long time ex. I was so upset.

I responded saying no, I don’t feel comfortable with this. It’s a family dinner. They responded saying they were sorry but they were already on their way.

This was the first moment I realized I hated being single. Ackward moments, having people set me up with people I didn’t want to be set up. The holidays SUCKED in my opinion. So I hid in one of my mom’s bedrooms and just cried. I didn’t want to spend the holiday alone but even worse, I didn’t want to spend it with a complete stranger in front of my family? ughhh

Few moments later, my siblings arrived, calling me to meet this guy they brought as my date. I walked out to the front room….and there I greeted them along with a blow up husband doll. hahahaha yup. Turns out, that was my “date” for the evening. LOL.

I’ll never forget the feeling I felt before I realized my brothers were just ONCE again picking on me. Phew. But still, I think holidays generally can be hard and suck when single. But I have learned to embrace my family and the loved ones around me, and to celebrate the reason we have Christmas. It’s Christ’s birthday and it’s about loving those around you.

Day 2 complete: Have a Terrific Tuesday dolls! xo

 

Day 1: 30 day challenge: And why are YOU still single?

I am doing the 30 day challenge I saw on twitter.

Day 1 question is “Why are YOU still single”?

hmmm. Well I have had so many relationships that haven’t lasted and I decided to focus on ME. And make sure I am fixed before going into a next relationship.

I have been in relationships since I was 13. Yeah, holy shit. That’s 18 years of straight relationships with no breaks. Why wouldn’t I want to be single now?

It’s something I have never experienced. I have experienced a lot in my 31 years of life, and for that I am grateful, but being single was just not in my agenda, until now.

My last relationship ended after 9 years. I am now in my 30’s. I just don’t want to make the same mistake again. I don’t want to get into a new relationship as my “rebound” or because I’m “lonely”.

I want to be fully “whole”. My last relationship was so toxic in soooooo many ways. (I’ll go into stories in later blogs). I knew I was completely messed up after that relationship haha. Like I hit a train head on and survived, but I can barely walk. I was left bruised and broken.

I want to be happy. I want to be in a happy relationship and I want to be able to give someone me. And I’ve been in relationships for 18 years STRAIGHT. More than half my life haha. NOW is the time to experience this single life. I have the rest of my life to be in a relationship again.

And so far….being single is fun. I can do whatever the FCKKKK I want to do. I’ll go into other details in other blogs.

Day 1 Complete: I am single because I CHOOSE to be single. I want to be whole again before I give someone my all. I’m not quite there yet.

Talk to you soon dolls xo